They say that the turn of the year should herald your ‘New Year’s resolutions.’ Everything about your past year or life that you wish to change, should be challenged by you at this time and replaced by better habits, behaviours and even thoughts. It is often a time when people choose to go through a period of temperance, self denial or restriction, favouring the cutomary sugar-free, fat-free. alcohol free, caffeine free or nicotine free type diets and regimes. Alternatively, deciding to ramp up their lifetyles with increased exercise and movement. These form ‘the standard’ patterns for people, and people with these resolutions in mind often manage to maintain a fair level of commitment to these new behaviours for several weeks, with them sometimes lasting months or years! For that I commend them!

For many however the return to the old ways often creeps back in, in whatever capacity, and often fairly soon. Perhaps because the motivation or determination wasn’t quite there or because the goal was unrealistic in the first place.  Sometimes I believe, because the driver behind the goal wasn’t soul aligned and was set back by false beliefs, judgments and labels. Sometimes we have the “I probably won’t manage more than 2 weeks” mentality before we even start, and this leads to invitable failure from the off! Our intention, therefore the goal-or whatever we’re trying to manifest for ourselves -is therefore already twarted. It lacks the power it needs to be created and the presiding energy fuelling it is one of ultimate failure. Therefore we manifest the ultimate failure only to then say to ourselves, “I knew I couldnt manage more than 2 weeks!” Reinforcing the original belief that twarted us to start with!

Many people set goals or intentions according to what’s called an ‘away from mentality.’ This means our goal is based upon something that we DON’T WANT and I see this is all the time in coaching. Often the mind likes to stay fixed in this mode, believing it to be one of safety from disappointment or failure.  And that ‘away from’ mentality is driven by a need or desire, ‘not to be/have/ look like/do or say something’ of it was ultimately stripped bare.’ I.e. “I need to loose weight so I don’t look so fat in my clothes.” or ” I must work harder to earn more money” The driver therefore is fear that NOT doing these things has consequences and sometimes that is a good enough motivator. But, unless you understand the motivation behind the thoughts that exist behind those behaviours, the behaviours won’t necessarily stick. They’re also fear driven and can leave you feeling sometimes worse about yourself, or permanently defeated in some way. The goal becomes hard work, which can increase negative feelings or associations with the goal itself, even if it does have you feeling temporarily better for a time.

During 121’s, I often hear things like; “I just can’t get motivated”, “I keep procastinating,” “I don’t want….” “I can’t do…..” “‘I’m not…..”,”I must..”. These are all examples of the away from mentality and these leave people feeling stuck in a rut, or in a cycle of destructive, negatively patterned behaviour. My job as the coach, is to challenge the thoughts and behaviours behind such statements. To get the client out of this ‘away from’ mentality and into a more forward focussed-‘towards’ as it’s called-thinking style. It’s from THIS place that real goals and real manifesations can be born. Planted like seeds within the heart and soul of the client, they can finally address things like , “What do I actually want?!” for perhaps the first time in  their life! And it feels good to ask that question!

When we set goals from the ‘towards’ approach there is no room for negativity. The “I need to lose 6 pounds or I’ll look fat in my dress” becomes “My body will feel fanstastic/feels more and more fantastic, every time I make the right choices for me.” Or even better; “I  look slimmer in the mirror with every passing day and love myself exactly as I am.” I use the last bit to point out, that self-love is often the main motivator in goal setting and without it, it can be a real battle!

Because of that, self-love, or a lack of, is often highlighted during coaches and I have clients who come to see me, specifically to work on that alone! They know that without it, or at least a degree of it, change, or at least progress, is very difficult, and a lack of self-love can keep us locked within this spiral of negative behaviour.

It saddens me almost, that many people choose goals based on their lifestyles, diets or physical health. There are rarely people saying ,” I need to prioritise myself more,” or “I need to work on myself in the new year.” Or, “I must work on self-love in 2025!” For those that do, well done. Not only have you noticed on some level, what may really be lacking (not just on the surface), but you are challenging the ‘away from’ mentality. The ‘need to’ is still an away from perspective and it implies a negative result if it doesn’t happen-therefore fear-based. But is also carries more weight to it, and feels like a transition between the two mindsets. It also hints at a spark of that elusive self love! 😉

The ‘towards’ mindset says “I’m going to work on myself now, in whatever way that presents. I’m ready now and excited to see comes next.” If we can bring excitement or anticipation along with positivity to our goal, we’re already bringing in new invigorating energy to it! And THAT’S where real manifestation occurs! The law of attraction works within this energy. The realm of energy where positivity and drive and focus exist. Where we behave as if we already have the thing we’re asking for, and together with a coach, or someone else who can hold us accountable, as well as ourselves, we can achieve what is whispering in our hearts. If the goal is aligned in love it’ll manifest truly with ‘towards’ thinking. If it’s aligned in fear, it’ll always be a battle. So is your need to make a million bucks because you fear being less than you are? Are you driven by lack? Then you have or may still have an ‘away from’ mentality with false and limiting beliefs.  You may still be able make your money, with a potentially uphill battle, but you may not be happy with it, or you may not keep it! So bear that in mind the next time you think about your new year’s resolutions. If you want to make a million to feed the hungry or change the lives of many, and you’re aligning that goal with your heart and soul as something that will undoubtedly happen for the good of mankind as well as your highest and best self, then you’re working with quite spectular energy right there-and you’re on your way to manifesting your dreams!

Tips for Goal Setting or Manifesting:

1. Work out what you really want.
2. Make sure your goal is not fear based and is ‘towards’ and not ‘away from’ in it’s nature. Align it in love. No ‘shoulds’ ‘musts’ ‘need to’s”
3. Make sure your goal is realistic and can be achieveable for you. Sometimes it’s easier to break it up into smaller goals.
4. Let love and self-love be your driving force. It’s the energy of the universe.
5. Align your goal with your heart and soul. Allow it to fill your heart space. Envisage it happening in your minds eye and feel the joy it will bring to you when it comes to pass. See this as often as you can in your minds eye.
6. If you feel yourself heading back to the negative, ‘away from’ mentality, then just come back to centre and the original goal. Get back to the love-centred heart space and allow your intuition to guide your alignment.

PS: I have included a picture of a double rainbow here, taken by my daughter during our most recent trip to Jersey. Rainbows have for centuries, been a symbol for hope and promise! And promise denotes ‘a will’. And where there’s a will, there is DEFINTELY a way!! Min.x